Today, to quite the contrary of yesterday, was horrible. for the most part.
Instead of feeling enlightened and free by the idea of today being the last day of my life, rather it went either ignored or used as an excuse to get no where.
It was enough to make something VERY clear. Keeping the mindset HONESTLY is DIFFICULT
It is very easy to convince ourselves that "tomorrow I can just do better" BUT that's the whole point isn't it. I find myself momentarily thinking of ways to make it so tomarrow "really" is not guaranteed... but in that ive missed the point.
Tomorrow is NOT guaranteed. this is the very idea I am trying to pound into my brain, this is the concept I am trying to make REAL for myself.
This will be no easy task. But I will try.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
What If Today Was Your Last Day?
Consider, If you woke, with the knowledge that this would be your last day on earth. If you KNEW that when you closed your eyes to sleep at the end of the day, you would NEVER open them again.
What would you do? Not necessarily an original thought I know, but that is the thought that grazed my brain today. Today was a normal day, absolutely nothing extravagant to report, just that thought... what if there was no tomorrow? For whatever reason it stuck with me.
A lot of the time, such a concept is simply an excuse to live recklessly, naturally if there is no tomorrow, there are no consequences. The thought that lingered in my mind was not that simple, it was rather, what would life be... if we truly treated it as if every day was our last? What would that do to us? If we were to live every single day knowing that at its end we would leave this world. Would it in fact change us? The question of what it would do to US as a people quickly dissipated as I realized that was not really the question I was interested, this, was about me. so, mid day, upon having this thought... I kept it in my mind. and lived the rest of today as if tomorrow would never come... and something notable happened.
Change.
Or perhaps more accurately, Perspective. With that thought ever present in mind I found that I looked at things, at EVERYTHING differently, I interacted with people differently, I found a new freedom in myself in the simplicity of dancing while waiting for the bus rather then sitting as I normally would.
So I suppose that is what this is all about, cataloging perspective. I should probably mention what exactly "this" is.
I will from this ordinary uneventful day, wake every morning with the belief that it is my very last day here. That when I sleep I will never wake.
So may as well start with what I learned on this day one. I would have thought that a last day would DEMAND a NEED to see those who mean the most to you in life. But I found when looking at this, that It was not necessary for me to see them, but rather what WAS necessary instantly in my mind was that they, those I love, all knew the extent to how much they mean to me. Secondly... Ive been in such a place in life recently that Ive been both in a deep regret for some of the past as well as worried for the future, I found that in this place, looking at life with tomorrow not existing, there was no time to regret the past, and no future to worry about. Rather what I was filled with a desire to live in the moment... in such a way I would be proud of spending my last moments. With an open compassion, A desire for all things, from that which I normally find mundane to the normally interesting. One would think, with life ending tomorrow there would be more of an intense feeling of dread... but rather, it has been as if, time means substantially less, as when its over its over anyway...
There has also been an extreme questioning of things... For somone like me, with many dreams and desires, most if not all of which will always take more then a day to accomplish, I have been forced to look at things in the now as they ARE not what they may in time be... Do I enjoy what Im doing... NOW for what it is NOW?
these are the kinds of thoughts that I hope multiply in number, grow stronger and more powerful.
I want to see what will happen to me if every time I say goodbye to somone, it is litterally the last time I am going to see them, adopt a mindset where every conversation I have is substantial, every moment is precious, in essence what I want is to activly pursue somthing that is just... true. Tomarrow is not gauranteed. what would your life be if you assumed every day, that morning would never come. What would happen?
Well, lets see...
What would you do? Not necessarily an original thought I know, but that is the thought that grazed my brain today. Today was a normal day, absolutely nothing extravagant to report, just that thought... what if there was no tomorrow? For whatever reason it stuck with me.
A lot of the time, such a concept is simply an excuse to live recklessly, naturally if there is no tomorrow, there are no consequences. The thought that lingered in my mind was not that simple, it was rather, what would life be... if we truly treated it as if every day was our last? What would that do to us? If we were to live every single day knowing that at its end we would leave this world. Would it in fact change us? The question of what it would do to US as a people quickly dissipated as I realized that was not really the question I was interested, this, was about me. so, mid day, upon having this thought... I kept it in my mind. and lived the rest of today as if tomorrow would never come... and something notable happened.
Change.
Or perhaps more accurately, Perspective. With that thought ever present in mind I found that I looked at things, at EVERYTHING differently, I interacted with people differently, I found a new freedom in myself in the simplicity of dancing while waiting for the bus rather then sitting as I normally would.
So I suppose that is what this is all about, cataloging perspective. I should probably mention what exactly "this" is.
I will from this ordinary uneventful day, wake every morning with the belief that it is my very last day here. That when I sleep I will never wake.
So may as well start with what I learned on this day one. I would have thought that a last day would DEMAND a NEED to see those who mean the most to you in life. But I found when looking at this, that It was not necessary for me to see them, but rather what WAS necessary instantly in my mind was that they, those I love, all knew the extent to how much they mean to me. Secondly... Ive been in such a place in life recently that Ive been both in a deep regret for some of the past as well as worried for the future, I found that in this place, looking at life with tomorrow not existing, there was no time to regret the past, and no future to worry about. Rather what I was filled with a desire to live in the moment... in such a way I would be proud of spending my last moments. With an open compassion, A desire for all things, from that which I normally find mundane to the normally interesting. One would think, with life ending tomorrow there would be more of an intense feeling of dread... but rather, it has been as if, time means substantially less, as when its over its over anyway...
There has also been an extreme questioning of things... For somone like me, with many dreams and desires, most if not all of which will always take more then a day to accomplish, I have been forced to look at things in the now as they ARE not what they may in time be... Do I enjoy what Im doing... NOW for what it is NOW?
these are the kinds of thoughts that I hope multiply in number, grow stronger and more powerful.
I want to see what will happen to me if every time I say goodbye to somone, it is litterally the last time I am going to see them, adopt a mindset where every conversation I have is substantial, every moment is precious, in essence what I want is to activly pursue somthing that is just... true. Tomarrow is not gauranteed. what would your life be if you assumed every day, that morning would never come. What would happen?
Well, lets see...
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