Perhaps its not about learning to be the best you that you can be. perhaps such an endeavor isn't really possible... its very possible that in putting too much effort in such a self search one can rob themselves of the possibility of reaching it. Rather perhaps We should take deep lung filling breaths instead of shallow thoughtless ones, truely take in the flavor of every day and appreciate life. Not for what we wish it was, not for what it can one day/ possibly be. But simply as it is. take in deep thoughtful breaths and really COMPLETELY appreciate Life for the magical thing that it is.


Perhaps life is always magical in one way or another, it simply takes the eyes of one who wishes to see it.

And then, there are... just days.

Lets face, it, most days, are just... days. they are simple repetitions of the day before them the recycling of a routine. Classified, so very conveniently as " normal ". These normal days pass us by like scent on the wind, and it is because of that fact, that when dealing with such a concept as that which this blog is born of, that these normal days are the most detrimental.
It is EASY to move along the merry road of life blissful in euphoria truely acting as if it is your last day when things are fantastic, why not? things are great after all!
It is simple enough to remember to think positively when things are resoundingly negative. What is difficult, are those all to frequent NORMAL days. I am finding more and more that to live a full lif, under this simple principal it takes a LOT of thought. A lot of reminding, and after being reminded, ensuring that you indeed follow through with the task.
Fact is, more often then not is if far easier to ignore the idea. to sit back and allow myself to trudge along in the familiar mundane experience. Bit that is not what I want my life to be. I do not wish to live a broken record life, full of the same reactions, the same dull tracks. I want to live a life full of new paths and exciting perspective, a life that appreciates all its moments not only those that stand out as overtly extra-ordinary.

hmm im tired... thats all for now !

And then, there are bad days.

Days that are not only typically unpleasant, days where you don't step on a doggie mine, but an angry group of gods get loose and chase you down the street. days where BAD things happen. and it becomes all to easy to forget about the idea all together. Keeping a positive aptitude is one thing, attempting to remember to live the day as if it is your last is SO very much another. Im finding it takes a grand bit of concentration. some vein popping strain,  but when you finally manage, ( in my case after a few "SCREW THAT THIS SUCKS!"'s) it is grand. puts things into a nice perspective. and again since this is not an exercise is avoiding responsibility, the fact that today is my "last" doesn't free me in such a way as lifting the issues away from me, but rather, in helping to make me see the other side of the coin ( there's ALWAYS another side to that dang coin!) today the big dogs may have gotten out of thier yard and chased me down the street, but hey, at least I got some exercise :D

Some days things are just clear...

with that, I take some time to do some writing here.

Where to start.. I probably have already said this here, and will more then likely refer to it quite a bit in future posts, I believe that life is something to be learned from.  another fun way to say that came to me this morning: "Life is a show, the world is your audience." not too incredible that I would see life that way, as I aspire to be a such a clown, but we will get to that.

Who are you? Take a moment and think about it and formulate some kinda answer...


Go ahead....












Seriously Answer it.
















Ok, did you answer it, if you did WOAH! good job cause I couldnt do it!!!
I have been trying to answer that question (in one way or another) for as long as I can remember, and every answer I have been able to come up with has never been close to complete. See the thing is at least for me I find that question unanswerable, for to answer it, IMMEDIATELY limits your potential. If we indeed answer such a question " I am so and so" then you BECOME that for that is what you believe, and thus you have effectively  limited who you COULD be. 

Rather, I find a much more valid question: Who do you want to be?  
Now lets have a look at that. lets let it stew for a bit. let the thought dance around in your head. Now I am not going to pretend to understand the inner workings of your, or anyone's mind, so for the remainder of this one way conversation I am going to use myself as a shiny sparkling example! Lucky You!


"Who do you want to be?"
When I look at that question, I find the first thing that happens: I see those I admire. In a flash of faces they bolt through my mind, and I start to see similarities between them, and in that I see a laundry list of traits I wish to better in myself, and I can start to see a hazy image among those I admire... of this person I WISH to be. The "Ideal Me" if you will.

Here are some of the qualities of my "Ideal Me" (of course yours will be different)
The Ideal Me, is Selfless, Open, Honest (truly honest), an Open book, Ceaselessly hard working. Passionate about EVERYTHING he does (regardless of the "scale") Actively positive, Energetic (Like Fraggle rockin LIGHTNING), Uplifting... the list DOES go on, but these are my initial thoughts.  

Now I can see a shady image of THAT guy, of who I WANT to be. What I want for my life. 
and when I see those, I look back on my life, as it has been, and I can see myself trying to figure out "who I am" and I see my failings over and over again, bad decisions, silly mistakes, time after time. But here is the real kick in the teeth, seeing that guy who you WANT to be, is not NEARLY enough to actually create CHANGE.

 You see, now Im looking at things in a way that does not limit my growth, but im still only HALF way there. The first step to being who you want to be is of course thinking about it, making yourself see it. Now thats all nice and Dandy, but it is in the end... not all that meaningful.. If I really wanted a PB&J sandwich, yes thinking about it is a start, but I wont ever HAVE it until I go get myself one. SO I find that if I truly desire to be the person I WANT to be, there is only ONE way to do it... and it is both ridiculously simple, and RIDICULOUSLY difficult (here is a big part, brace yourselves hide your children!) LIVING as the person I WANT to be. Taking an active approach to BE that person, to LIVE as they would, keeping a mind open to the idea and throughout the day, (every day) and ACTIVELY responding to life the way they would.

Thats about all I have to say for now!
L8ah!

Today, to quite the contrary of yesterday, was horrible. for the most part.
Instead of feeling enlightened and free by the idea of today being the last day of my life, rather it went either ignored or used as an excuse to get no where.
It was enough to make something VERY clear. Keeping the mindset HONESTLY is DIFFICULT

It is very easy to convince ourselves that "tomorrow I can just do better" BUT that's the whole point isn't it. I find myself momentarily thinking of ways to make it so tomarrow "really" is not guaranteed... but in that ive missed the point.
Tomorrow is NOT guaranteed. this is the very idea I am trying to pound into my brain, this is the concept I am trying to make REAL for myself.

This will be no easy task. But I will try.

What If Today Was Your Last Day?

Consider, If you woke, with the knowledge that this would be your last day on earth. If you KNEW that when you closed your eyes to sleep at the end of the day, you would NEVER open them again.
What would you do? Not necessarily an original thought I know, but that is the thought that grazed my brain today. Today was a normal day, absolutely nothing extravagant to report, just that thought... what if there was no tomorrow? For whatever reason it stuck with me.

A lot of the time, such a concept is simply an excuse to live recklessly, naturally if there is no tomorrow, there are no consequences. The thought that lingered in my mind was not that simple, it was rather, what would life be... if we truly treated it as if every day was our last? What would that do to us? If we were to live every single day knowing that at its end we would leave this world. Would it in fact change us? The question of what it would do to US as a people quickly dissipated as I realized that was not really the question I was interested, this, was about me. so, mid day, upon having this thought... I kept it in my mind. and lived the rest of today as if tomorrow would never come... and something notable happened.

Change.

Or perhaps more accurately, Perspective. With that thought ever present in mind I found that I looked at things, at EVERYTHING differently, I interacted with people differently, I found a new freedom in myself in the simplicity of dancing while waiting for the bus rather then sitting as I normally would. 

So I suppose that is what this is all about, cataloging perspective. I should probably mention what exactly "this" is.
I will from this ordinary uneventful day, wake every morning with the belief that it is my very last day here. That when I sleep I will never wake.

So may as well start with what I learned on this day one. I would have thought that a last day would DEMAND a NEED to see those who mean the most to you in life. But I found when looking at this, that It was not necessary for me to see them, but rather what WAS necessary instantly in my mind was that they, those I love, all knew the extent to how much they mean to me. Secondly... Ive been in such a place in life recently that Ive been both in a deep regret for some of the past as well as worried for the future, I found that in this place, looking at life with tomorrow not existing, there was no time to regret the past, and no future to worry about. Rather what I was filled with a desire to live in the moment... in such a way I would be proud of spending my last moments. With an open compassion, A desire for all things, from that which I normally find mundane to the normally interesting. One would think, with life ending tomorrow there would be more of an intense feeling of dread... but rather, it has been as if, time means substantially less, as when its over its over anyway...

There has also been an extreme questioning of things... For somone like me, with many dreams and desires, most if not all of which will always take more then a day to accomplish, I have been forced to look at things in the now as they ARE not what they may in time be... Do I enjoy what Im doing... NOW for what it is NOW?
these are the kinds of thoughts that I hope multiply in number, grow stronger and more powerful.
I want to see what will happen to me if every time I say goodbye to somone, it is litterally the last time I am going to see them, adopt a mindset where every conversation I have is substantial, every moment is precious, in essence what I want is to activly pursue somthing that is just... true. Tomarrow is not gauranteed. what would your life be if you assumed every day, that morning would never come. What would happen?

Well, lets see...